"Necessity is the mother of invention." - Plato 
"Uselessness is the cool uncle of invention." - Matt Neylon

All of my inventions are (f)unnecessary. Sure, I'm thankful for Edison and his slew of world-changing inventions. But I admire people like Kenji Kawakami, the godfather of chindōgu (useless inventions), and the person that invented the ketchup packet you can squeeze and/or dunk your nugs in. Amen.

1. Desktop Inflatable Tubeman
Because why not? Take some textiles, a laptop-grade fan and a USB power source, and you can be that person with a desktop inflatable tubeman on their desk.
Real testimonials:
• "Where do I buy this?! Contact me pls." - Jon G.
• "I would pay good money TODAY for the desktop inflatable man." Rick Webb

2. High Toes
They're like high heels but for toes. The footwear game is about to change, leaning fashion-forward on its toes. With High-Toe Shoes! Featured on Betabrand.
I had some haters in the comments on Betabrand. Some good laughs. Here's a few gems:
• "So stupid that it might actually sell just for shits and giggles." - @cautiouslego
• "I feel like I laughed a lot more than I should have." - @Gabridge
• "Please tell me they're a joke?" - @two_sheds
• "Stick to copywriting, shoe design is obviously not your thing." - Scott W.
• "This is not fashion, its stupidity." - Stacy N.
• "I am a woman and I would wear these. I don't wear regular heels, but these seem more comfortable." - Julia Marino​​​​​​​
Commissioned by the Design Director at Betabrand, demanded by the comment section. 

3. Manet's Mayonnaise
"M a n e t ' s. . .   M a y o n n a i s e ." Sound it out. Combining French Impressionist paintings with tangy Middle American condiments. Now we can all class up our seven layer salads.
Coming soon: custom squeeze tubes.

4. ZZZVR Sleeping Mask
Introducing ZZZVR. The first ever virtual reality: the subconscious.

It's literally a sleeping mask shaped like a VR headset. 
Submission for Young Shits