"Necessity is the mother of invention." - Plato 
"Uselessness is the cool uncle of invention." - Matt Neylon

All of my inventions are (f)unnecessary. Sure, I'm thankful for Edison and his many inventions, but I admire people like Kenji Kawakami, the godfather of chindōgu (useless inventions), and the person that invented the ketchup packet you can squeeze and/or dunk your nugs in. Amen.
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1. Desktop Inflatable Tubeman
Because why not? Take some textiles, a laptop-grade fan and a USB power source, and you can be THAT person with a desktop inflatable tubeman on their desk.
Real testimonials:
"Where do I buy this?! Contact me pls." - Jon G.
"I would pay good money TODAY for the desktop inflatable man." Rick Webb
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2. High Toes
They're like high heels but for toes. The footwear game is about to change, leaning fashion-forward on its toes. With High-Toe Shoes! Featured on Betabrand.
Comments from Betabrand. Click that link to read some of the comments. Here are some of them:
"So stupid that it might actually sell just for shits and giggles." - @cautiouslego
"I feel like I laughed a lot more than I should have." - @Gabridge
"Please tell me they're a joke?" - @two_sheds
"Stick to copywriting, shoe design is obviously not your thing." - Scott W.
"This is not fashion, its stupidity." - Stacy N.
"I am a woman and I would wear these. I don't wear regular heels, but these seem more comfortable." - Julia Marino​​​​​​​
Commissioned by the Design Director at Betabrand, demanded by the comment section. 
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3. Manet's Mayonnaise
"M a n e t ' s. . .   M a y o n n a i s e ." Sound it out. Combining French Impressionist paintings with tangy Middle American condiments. Now we can all class up our seven layer salads.
Coming soon: custom squeeze tubes.
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4. ZZZVR
Introducing ZZZVR. The first ever virtual reality: the subconscious.

It's literally a sleeping mask shaped like a VR headset. 
Submission for Young Shits
ART DIRECTOR: Andrew Jones